“How many kids are you guys going to have?”
That’s probably the question that we get asked most these days. Alex usually tells people that we are trying to keep up with the Duggars which brings on an equal number of laughs and eye-rolls. I’ve always tried to answer with a more realistic number of three or four, but, as I enter the third trimester of this (my second) pregnancy, I’m not so sure about that answer anymore.
In just a few months we are going to be welcoming another little nugget to our family and the reality of that is starting to hit me hard.
We are going to have children.
As in more than one.
A boy and a girl.
An oldest and a youngest.
To me, it’s mind-blowing.
I am over the moon excited but I’m also scared.
Sure, I’ve done the newborn thing already. I am way better prepared this time and more or less know what to expect. But, let’s face it, parenting is hard.
Some days, I feel like I struggle with just one. Some days, when I walk through the grocery store trying to wrangle my toddler who just wont sit down in the cart no matter how tight I’ve pulled the belt, I wonder how I am going to manage when I’m outnumbered.
It’s days like those when I start to think that this will be my last pregnancy. It’s on days like those that I start daydreaming about living our life as a family of four.
But then we get home, and Lyla follows me around the house with a giant smile on her face. She pulls me into the living room, snuggles up on my lap and we read books together. She plants sweet kisses on my lips. She struts in from a walk with Alex and brings me a flower for my hair – proud as can be. I watch her in awe and can’t believe how fast she is growing.
And then I feel her brother – kicking and rolling and making his presence known. It’s hard to imagine never feeling these sweet baby movements from the inside again.
While cooking dinner, I hear Alex and his daughter singing and dancing and laughing. It is truly the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.
I feel our house being filled with love.
It’s moments like those that I instantly start feeling silly for thinking about putting a limit on our family size just because I’m scared. I feel silly for putting pressure on myself to have all the answers right now. How quickly I seem to forget that I am not in complete control. Never have been and never will be.
“Children are a gift from the Lord, they are a reward from Him” [Psalm 127:3]
Who am I to turn down such a beautiful, special gift?
Now, I’m not saying that larger families are more blessed than smaller ones. There is nothing wrong with having just one child, or two. All children are a blessing. And a blessing is a blessing is a blessing amiright?
So how many kids are we going to have?
I don’t know. Maybe we will be done after baby number two – or maybe we wont.
Only time will tell.