“Mommy, Where Are You?”

^^ Etta Rae now walks around the house asking “Mommy, where are you?!” and it is the cutest thing ever

I haven’t posted on this blog since May. Eight months! 

Maybe you noticed, maybe you didn’t. 

We’ve been a little insanely busy since the last time I posted – we packed up and sold our home, we had a nice, long trip to the UP and we found our way back to Hawaii. There have been lots of ups and downs and happy in betweens. I captured a lot of those moments in our “1 second everyday” video…

While I don’t feel like I have an obligation to post here, I am a little disappointed that I haven’t been keeping up because, more than anything, I use this blog as a place to keep memories for our family. I regularly go back and look at old posts. My kids love watching the videos that I make. And now I have this huge gap. (insert eye roll emoji)

I haven’t decided yet if I will go back and fill in some of the gaps or if I will just keep moving forward. Either way, I’m excited to be back. If you keep up with the blog, I’m happy to have you along for the ride! 

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More happy, less ache

“A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit” – Proverbs 15:13

Friends, I must confess that lately my spirit has been crushed. 

My heart aches for the friends and family that we left behind in Hawaii. The relationships that we built in our five years there are so special to us. It is so hard not to see the faces and hear the voices that we are used to on a daily basis. 

My heart aches for our daily life there. I’m sure it’s not a surprise to hear that the quality of life in Hawaii is hard to beat. I was comfortable in our world. I knew the best spots to take the kids. I knew how to find parking at our favorite beaches and the best times to be on the road. I felt like I knew how to meet all of our needs and that I had all of the tools available to do so. We had a rhythm. 

Leaving Hawaii wasn’t an easy choice. We talked and talked and talked and talked about it for ages. We knew it was going to be hard.

But I’m surprised by just how much my heart aches.

How it’s set off by such little things.

I didn’t imagine that I would cry every time the kids play pretend and “go to Hawaii”. Or how I would cry every time I open another box of things that hasn’t been opened since I packed it in Hawaii. 

Most days I can’t even bring myself to look at photos from our time there. It hurts too much. 

No, it’s not easy. At least not for me.

I’m having a hard time plugging in. I’m having a hard time finding a new rhythm. Both things will come in time. 

Despite my heartache, I don’t regret our choice. 

The biggest reasons that we left were to be closer to family (although we did leave some pretty awesome family behind – love you Taniguchis) and to buy a house. Both which have already been accomplished and both which I am SO grateful for. 

I know that this heartache is temporary. 

I pray daily for God to show us why he brought us here. For more happy, less ache. 

Let’s do this, 2018.

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