“A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit” – Proverbs 15:13
Friends, I must confess that lately my spirit has been crushed.
My heart aches for the friends and family that we left behind in Hawaii. The relationships that we built in our five years there are so special to us. It is so hard not to see the faces and hear the voices that we are used to on a daily basis.
My heart aches for our daily life there. I’m sure it’s not a surprise to hear that the quality of life in Hawaii is hard to beat. I was comfortable in our world. I knew the best spots to take the kids. I knew how to find parking at our favorite beaches and the best times to be on the road. I felt like I knew how to meet all of our needs and that I had all of the tools available to do so. We had a rhythm.
Leaving Hawaii wasn’t an easy choice. We talked and talked and talked and talked about it for ages. We knew it was going to be hard.
But I’m surprised by just how much my heart aches.
How it’s set off by such little things.
I didn’t imagine that I would cry every time the kids play pretend and “go to Hawaii”. Or how I would cry every time I open another box of things that hasn’t been opened since I packed it in Hawaii.
Most days I can’t even bring myself to look at photos from our time there. It hurts too much.
No, it’s not easy. At least not for me.
I’m having a hard time plugging in. I’m having a hard time finding a new rhythm. Both things will come in time.
Despite my heartache, I don’t regret our choice.
The biggest reasons that we left were to be closer to family (although we did leave some pretty awesome family behind – love you Taniguchis) and to buy a house. Both which have already been accomplished and both which I am SO grateful for.
I know that this heartache is temporary.
I pray daily for God to show us why he brought us here. For more happy, less ache.
Let’s do this, 2018.